Katrina You Are not Superwoman

I have a bad tendency to wander outside at night, alone, in not so safe of places. My friends are convinced I am going to get mugged or raped one day. To make sure this doesn't happen, my dad bought me some pepper spray, specifically for use when running.

But I've found that it is a bit counterproductive.

The other night I decided to go jogging for the first time in like, eons. It was night time and I didn't know where I would decide to run around campus, so I brought my handy pepper spray. And I realized, when I wear my jogging pepper spray...

I am invincible.

At least that's what I feel like and so I go down areas I would not usually travel through if I was not wearing pepper spray.

Run away from civilization? That's fine. I have pepper spray.

Veer off down this dark alley? No problem. I have pepper spray.

I realize this is a problem. The pepper spray could even be used against me under certain circumstances.

But that won't happen. Because I have pepper spray.

I Know My Noodle

My college dining hall held a competition about a month ago called the "Know Your Noodle" contest. The premise of the idea was to name all 12 or so pastas on this poster and turn in your guesses in this little box. So naturally, when my friend and I had 30 extra minutes before our next class, we pulled out my laptop and started looking up pictures of noodles. We found pictures matching every thing on the poster, although my friend and I had a disagreement over one of them.

Yeah. We cheated. So what.

We turned in our answers and never heard about it again.

.... That is until yesterday.

I got an email from some lady. And you know what?

I am the Know Your Noodle Contest champion!!

My friend got second place. Ha!

Toady we collected our prizes and they were surprisingly awesome.

You bet your behind that's a giant bag of Cheerios.

He got a tray of pasta boxes and cereals, along with a t-shirt with a close-up picture of a woman sipping spaghetti that said "mmm.... Saucy."

Not gonna lie, kind of jealous.

All in all, probably one of the best contests I've ever competed in.

Things I Hate

RESEARCH PAPERS

Doing RESEARCH for research papers

Setting the time aside to READ BOOKS for research papers

Figuring out what exactly to WRITE ABOUT in my research papers

GATHERING INFORMATION for my research papers

READING BOOKS to GATHER INFORMATION about whatever the hell it is I'm going to WRITE ABOUT over the RESEARCH I'm supposed to have done for my TWELVE PAGE research paper

TWELVE. PAGES.

I hate freakishly long research papers over something I could write about in about four.

But don't worry. I'm not procrastinating.

At the risk of being totally exposed...

My friend Dani messaged me tonight. Which led me to look back on the last conversation we had via facebook chat. And I sent her this message back at the beginning of July which I find kinda funny. Now, this one was a bit personal, so I'm gonna have to edit some parts out. I just really like how I start out telling her I want to empty my soul to her in the form of deep conversation and end up using a popcorn metaphor. I was just starting my job as a Tinsletown concessionist at the time and was working a lot with popcorn and candies and such. Here it is:

Dearest Dani,
Are you back in Beautiful Mountain? I have no idea...thus the question. I'm really really tired (i worked for 9 hours today) but I crave deepness! I wanna like, talk to you. Except I'm afraid you don't care about anything I have to say. Cause it's really stupid, and not like anything you haven't heard before. Whatever. It doesn't exist. I'm making it all up. I'm just kidding. hahahahha! I got you didn't I!? I'm insane!!! Or maybe I'm just really tired. Because that is true. I am really tired. I haven't gotten that cd yet. But I want it! I have your shirt. The blue one. The extra one. I'm so tired. Are you bored? meh meh meh. (annoying orange tongue thing). Maybe I should go to bed now. But I feel like I need to empty my soul. You know what I mean? Like... like when your popcorn is finished popping, and it's just turning around in the big scalding pot, just burning, because no one has come around to pull the lever down yet. And eventually, that popcorn just burns and is no good..... That's actually EXACTLY how I feel. lol. Way to go Tinseltown! Speaking of scalding hot popcorn I burnt the living hell out of myself today. And I have proof! 4 red burn marks (2 on chest, 1 on hand, 1 on leg) AND a bubbly blister (on tummy). Yeah, never underestimate the power of popping popcorn. One kernel got in my shirt. Which was tucked in. It was painful. Ok I'm going to bed now. Good night darling.

Bats and Things

On a warm, Austin night I was returning to my dorm from a student study area.

I was walking across the big patio or whatever that thing is in front of the giant university tower when something small and black caught my eye. At first I figured it was a piece of trash or something, but then on closer inspection I realized it was something quite different.

There. On the ground. Tiny and therefore adorable I spotted a bat. A tiny little bat just chilling on the ground.

What a discovery!

I was so excited about this bat. I was also rather territorial, actually.

I stood in front of it, just standing there, awkward in the middle of this big plaza/patio thing while people just walked on by. I immediately got out my cell phone and started calling people trying to get them to come share my batty experience, still guarding the little thing from random passerby.

Because this was my bat.

No one else was allowed to look at it.

I called people and no one answered. I called my friend from back home just to tell her about what was going on. She didn't seem that impressed. I finally sat down next to the little bat and had to fight the urge to touch it or pick it up. It looked so fun to mess with.

I finally got a hold of one of my friends and was relaying all the bat information when it outstretched one of its wings

Woah! WOAH!! It was exhilarating. It started moving around and so I kinda started freaking out and then... then. It FLEW. Like 5 feet, but it startled me! I imagine the poor thing was injured and that was why it was stranded on the ground in the first place. I eventually left it alone and walked back to my dorm.

I looked for it the next day, just making sure there wasn't any glob of black goo where someone might have stepped on it, but there was nothing.

The mystery of the tower plaza bat continues.

AARON BROWN MIA!!!

I would like to report a missing person! AARON BROWN if you are out there, you're friends would like to hear from you!

IHateShaving

Everyone knows about those internet crazes that took hold about a year ago. There was F My Life (FML) and then My Life Is Average (MLIA). People tell stories about something that absolutely sucks in one and then stories of ordinary things in others. I want to start a new internet craze of the same genre. I'll call it......

I Hate Shaving (IHS)

People from all over the world will unite to share their stories of shaving accidents. They can vent their agony, pain, or bitter frustration that comes from rubbing a razor across their skin..... not in the emo way. This is no emo website I'm pitching.

Shaving is my own arch nemesis. Don't get the wrong idea! I shave and everything. I just hate every moment of it. Sometimes it hurts or sometimes I just hate taking the time to do it. Other times, I just cut the crap outta myself.

I have a big shaving scar on my ankle. I always come up with a new story when people ask me how I got it, usually involving some sort of pirate. Today, just now, in a hotel shower, I have a new story to post on IHS. You know, if there was such a thing in existence.

I was shaving my pits to keep them nice and tidy when all of a sudden I feel this pain.

Shit.

Oh well. It's nothing.

I assume I just got a little nick, which happens all the time. But no. I look again, and blood is freaking pouring down my side.

Ok that may be a bit of an overstatement, but there was definitely blood. But it was more dripping than pouring.

Quickly I locate the site! And there, not even in my armpit, but on some area RIGHT NEXT to it, that doesn't even grow hair, were 4 little lines slivered into my skin. Looked more like a failed cat battle than a razor cut.

It wouldn't stop bleeding at first so all these thoughts rushed into my mind of how I'd have to go to the front desk of the hotel to find a band-aid and how I'd have to keep the blood from staining my shirt until then and bla bla. It stopped eventually though, and I'm just fine now, blood fully clotted and all. But still. It's in the most vulnerable area. Sure you could say that it was my own stupid fault and I was just being careless. But no. I blame the act itself.

I am not amused, Shaving.

NOT. AMUSED.

.....IHS

Jonas!

Today, there was a big green bug on my car. It is a very nice car, that I have. Shiny and blue. Maybe the bug was attracted to it.

I noticed the bug when my car was parked outside some one else's house, and when I drove back to my house, stayed inside my house a good 20 minutes, and went back outside to my car, I noticed the green bug was still there.

"Impressive, bugo!" I thought to myself. But not really. Although that statement can pretty much sum up my surprise.

At this point I figured the bug was not going to budge easily, and on the way to the gym I peered at it from time to time through my side mirror. It is sort of a tiny miracle I did not get in a crash, actually. I kept waiting for any minute that the green bug would go soaring away.

But it didn't budge.

Halfway to my destination I started thinking of car commercials. Something along the lines of the camera focusing on the bug as the car drives across towns and cities and maybe even states. The car finally stops, glorious of course, and the bug just continues to hold on to it. Words would appear on the screen or some guy with a deep soothing voice would say something like "you won't be able to let go of this one." Good for special price deals and what not. But yeah. It was just a thought. (and no body better steal this idea from me or I'll sue!!!!)

[of course that means we'd have to assume people read this in the first place]

But anyways.

I got to the gym and did my thing and came back to my car. Can you guess what I saw? Yes bingo! if you guessed the big green bug you would be correct. Since it had stuck to my car, and really metonymically to me, for so long, I thought it was time to mess with it. I touched its funny little insect legs. Sticky! That would surely make sense considering the situation. I kept poking and prodding gently at its little green limbs, until..... it moved one of them! This shouldn't be so exciting, but you've got to understand. This thing had not moved for hours. Plus, it made me chuckle at how it simply folded its funny little bug leg closer to its side.

I had my fill and left it alone. I was going home and started to wonder if it would last through the night in my garage.

I felt like I really connected with this little creature, so I named it! Naturally.

As I considered naming it Steve, as I do almost all of my insect friends, the song "My Name Is Jonas" popped into my head. Jonas. Yes.

I named the bug Jonas. Our bond and its pet-ship sealed!

Jonas flew away on the trip back home.

Guess he didn't like the name.

Guide to Avoiding Work

So I was looking through my old essays and such to try to jostle my brain's writers' block and spark some of that old creativity I used to have.

My goal has not really yet been accomplished, but I did find something that I felt was worth the internet.

So here it is. The Guide to Avoiding Work.

I really have no idea what the prompt was for this one. I have completely forgotten. I wish I could remember the grade I got on it too... but anyways, I digress. Those with senioritus, this one's for you.

Guide to Avoiding Work

Picture this: You have had exams to study for and papers to write for school all week. Your dad’s birthday was Tuesday and your strange uncle flew in from his questionable dwelling in Timbuktu just to wish your father a happy birthday. With tests to study for, essays to write, a birthday to plan and a relative to entertain, you may feel as if you are going to overload at any second. As the week finally comes to an end, you embrace the soothing weekend with open arms, more ready than ever to relax. That is, until your English teacher decides to assign a project on Shakespeare due the following Monday. Your brain is boiling! Your fingertips ache and your whole being screams, “No more work!” Fear not overwhelmed over-achiever! You will not be completing another tedious task, and I can show you just how to avoid it! Follow these easy steps to successfully evade any dreaded assignment.

First, think of everything else that needs to be done. Your poor dog has been neglected for days. He sure would appreciate a walk. Look at your split ends! A hair cut could do wonders for you right now. Once you begin thinking of other tasks that have been patiently napping in your subconscious, starting and completing an English project will appear to be a trivial part of your weekend. Before you know it, ideas will inundate your mind and the pestering assignment will disappear from your brain.

Next, avoid parents or any other adult with substantial authority. Such people as these will only disapprove of your desertion and heckle you to accomplish your assigned homework. Some ways to distract them from your own personal life would be to ask them about their own (if absolutely necessary). Make the conversation quick and be sure to make a speedy dash before they realize the notion to politely ask/ nag you about your life. Always remember this strategy: When in doubt, excuse your way out! This tactic can be used in worse-case scenarios when your parent or authority figure asks you specifically what you should be doing. In such an instance, refer to the mental list of duties you accumulated for yourself to do and use them as excuses.

For most studious over-achievers, a short burst of panic may erupt once fully realizing you will get a zero for the assignment you did not even attempt. Once this happens, you will need to know how to calm yourself: Take deep breaths and put on a fine, soothing bath. Light candles and maybe even listen to some calming music. Consider the possibility of future extra credit assignments, if truly needed. The world will not end if you make one zero for one project you did not do in one class. Once successfully calm, continue enjoying your work-free weekend.

Congratulations you temporary slacker! It is Monday morning, your uncle is gone, your dad’s birthday long over, and your project nonexistent! The best part is you have never felt better. You have successfully avoided your assigned task, now you must confront the consequences: Expect your teacher to be upset. Do not cower away. Accept the responsibility that you indeed did not do your assignment. Hold your head high and take any criticism that may be castigated upon you. Do your best to go down with dignity, however, if this mature confrontation does not go as planned, there is a plan B. Always remember ‘When in doubt, excuse your way out!’ Not recommended for the confrontal step, excuses may help if the situation gets out of hand with your teacher, or possibly later in time, your parents.

With every new Monday there is a whole new week laced with new homework assignments, new surprises and new burdens. We all must accomplish the tasks that are casted in our direction in order to prosper. However, when enough is enough and you are not capable of completing another obligation, the Guide to Avoiding Work will be right here to help.

Cat Security

So, to my displeasure, my family does not, and has not owned a cat in years. But there are cats that sit outside of my house as if it was their domain. I spied one this night through the window as I was coming back from the kitchen for my nightly glass of water. I've seen up to two at a time, peacefully sitting right outside the front door on the 'welcome' or whatever it says mat, surveying the world as if it was an oyster, and they were the priceless pearls. Like my house is the Egyptian tomb of a prince, and they are the royal statue cats that preside outside the hidden doors. Like bouncers outside of a popular, LA club. Except they are much cuter and not as seemingly menacing.

I don't know these cats at all. I don't know who they belong to, where they came from, I haven't even touched one of these cats, but I feel affection towards them as if they were my own.

It may be my undying love for the feline species.

I want to know what drew these cat creatures to my house in the first place. Maybe it's my avid cat-person nature, that radiates from the brick walls out into the streets of Shakespeare and calls to lost cats. Perhaps it was the fact that I witnessed a cat get run over right in front of my house and survive, running right into my bushes (http://katrinawinsko.blogspot.com/2010/08/first-day-of-new-school-year.html <--- older post). Maybe that unfortunate kitty told all it's kitty friends about the safe haven that is my home, and thus, furballs on my door step. Or maybe, for some reason, the area around my house is just warmer than other houses....... doubtful.

Whatever the reason, I really like their presence. I just love cats so.

And I really REALLY wish I wasn't so allergic to them.